


Ending's Embrace

by ayahinas



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, F/M, I wrote this in a sad mood, reaper au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 06:43:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13335645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayahinas/pseuds/ayahinas
Summary: It is said, that when you see a reaper, you are soon to die. Touka looks at hers, and wonders why he looks just as hurt as she is. AU.





	Ending's Embrace

**Author's Note:**

> a small fic made for toukenweek! originally posted on tumblr @kirishimahinami. hope you enjoy!

She could see him inching towards her. The reaper has no scythe, has no weapon in his arms. He is lurking her from behind the lamp post at the edge of the street, hiding in the shadows with his black coat covering him from top to bottom. His glasses shine against the fluorescent light that reveals his face to her, expression hardened to a scowl.

Touka has been seeing him for weeks now. She’s on her deathbed, she realized when she first did. If you see your reaper coming closer and closer, they you must live your life to the fullest, because you shall lose them in the days that are to come.  

This saying was a golden rule by the people of this world. But Touka doesn’t work quite like that. She cannot let herself enjoy her days. She cannot break her uncle’s heart any more than it already is. He never recovered after the crash that killed her family. She didn’t recover either.

Her father, her mother - they all kept their death status a secret, and so will she. Her parents spent the last days of their lives trying to make their children happy instead of making themselves happy. Taking them on trips and running around caring for her and Ayato, instead of letting themselves enjoy the last moments of their lives.

And Ayato. He was a sweet summer child, barely turning four at the time. How couldn’t have she noticed the signs back then, when he called out to a person that was not there. Always trying to reach something beyond him, smiling to what sealed his death. Never crying. He was more scared of worms than his reaper, she realized later on. It made her determined. Made her decide to be brave.

So she looks at the reaper behind her once, and doesn’t look back. Every time she walks, she could hear him walking behind her, in precise steps that don’t let him be any more closer than necessary. His cold aura sends shivers to her spine, and she picks up her pace. She knows he cannot come any closer today, but she can’t help but fear.

Despite all her losses, she was taught to continue forward, that it’s only natural to live while losing things. But dying was not what she feared.

It’s the need to turn around once again and walk up to him. It was the feeling that in the face of death itself, something else is there. Not just the sheer cold he radiates. Not just the distance that remains until the day he takes her from this world.

She feared the humanity she sees in him when he gives her his one last look for tonight. His brows furrowed, facing upwards and his eyes wide as he looks at her. His lips curve downwards from their neutral line shape, and she cannot figure for the life of her, why does he look just as defeated as she was.

* * *

She sits on the couch next to her uncle. Uncle Yomo was always quite a weird man. Not bad, but just quiet and guarded. Touka likes sitting with him to drink coffee on cold evenings like these. The snow falling outside made everything just a little calmer as the coffee aroma reached her nostrils, but being with him made her feel the slightest bit safer. The fact he didn’t speak much put them in a comfortable silence.

Today, her reaper was so close that she could see him sitting on the chair in front of her and her uncle. She tried to avoid looking to his side as much as she could. She didn’t want to scare her uncle, or wound him any more than he already does.

Usually Touka was much more comfortable with Yomo, but seeing her reaper only set her on edge. She hadn’t done this since she had been a little girl, but she scooted over closer to Yomo on the couch. He was a guarding raven, wise and aware of how to terrify a person to the bone. If there is one person Touka can trust to calm her, keep her safe, it’s him.

“…Touka?” He asks. It’s always like this. When sees even a smidge of discomfort in her eyes, he would say her name, and it will already be clear to her he wants to know what is the problem. Touka forces a smile, a sigh escaping her lips as brings her legs up to hug them.

“It’s nothing. I’m just a little cold. I think there are starting to be icicles outside…” She lets out a fake laugh, and Yomo sips his coffee as he nods. He takes a blanket that is on the next couch to them and gives it to her. She smiles at him back, covering herself. From some reason, her reaper shifts in his place, hiding his face from her now.

It’s not much. It’s a small, old blanket. It wasn’t made of the best fabric in the market, it wasn’t the most comfortable. But it felt like home. Touka remembers the day she had gotten the blanket, no matter how much she tries to forget it. It was the day after the car crash, when they had told her her little brother and mother had died already. Only her father was still fighting his fate in the surgery room.

She remembers a small boy coming by her as she waited outside of ER, waiting for the results of her father’s operation. She remembers him giving her this small blanket, telling her to cover up, because it is night and she will get cold, waiting the way she did on those freezing metal chairs.

_“I’m here because my mother is sick… She has a fever. One of her coworkers made her go when they noticed. So I’m waiting until she feels better.” He told her, as she refused to say a word. Touka wiped her tears with her small hand, both her eyes and skin reddish._

_Touka was silent, but she wanted to scream, to warn him - people don’t always tell you when the end is there. That his mother might not get better. Because every second that passed by today proved her that more and more._

_Her family did not stay with her, and it was getting colder as the fact was sinking in her brain. She has lost fate in her father to come out alive from this. She heard the whispers of the doctors, she doesn’t need to know more._

_The boy around her wrapped the blanket around her himself when he saw she wasn’t doing anything with the blanket. His big grey eyes looked at her unsure as he did, if it was okay._

_“You need this more than I do. It’ll be alright.” The boy told her. He said, looking back, to the distance. He looks a bit troubled himself, if she had to be honest. “What’s your name?” he asked her, smiling despite everything else._

_“Touka.” Can she say Kirishima, when her entire family is gone? she didn’t even have grandparents with the name alive. He smiled._

_“Kirishima-chan, I’m Kaneki Ken. My mother is in the next room to where your family been. You can come by and eat with us. my mother’s coworker also made her cake.” He gave her one last kind look, and waved goodbye as he walked to his room._

_And she was alone, waiting in the lit, white hall in front of the double doors. A doctor comes out of the ER a few hours later, when it is already early morning, waking her up from a weak slumber she had fallen into._

_“I’m… missy, I’m sorry. Do you have any other family member we can call?” He asks her, eyes full of guilt._

_Touka covers herself in the blanket Kaneki has brought her the day before, covering herself and shielding her face from the world around her as she cries._

_This blanket would be her only source of warmth for days to come._

* * *

Today, Touka was tutoring one of the favorite girls she knows across the neighborhood in biology. Her name was Hinami Fueguchi and she was a small, sixteen year old sunshine. A private school child, well mannered and sweet, though a little bit shy.

She was one of those people that made your heart melt quickly, with naivety and curiousness being the main qualities she presents.

“Nee-chan, I know this is not biology, but do you know what the answer for this question?” Hinami asks her, pulling out a Japanese notebook. It was a simple choice question, simply asking how a kanji is supposed to be read. It was high leveled though.

Touka wasn’t the best in Japanese, but she could try. She pondered between the options. This is something that would be on her tests - you learn that kanji when in college, she believed. Biting her lips, she tried to process what is the right answer. Hinami was always so ambitious when it came to Japanese…

Suddenly, Touka saw a hand coming to her vision line. She looked forward in shock as she saw her reaper, now only table length away from her pointing at answer number three. Her stomach was in a turmoil. Was that a thing, that reapers will suddenly act more as your last day is approaching? It was hard to remain calm at this point.

Touka circles the answer with a pen she had in hand, giving the notebook back to Hinami. “I-I think it’s this one.” She forced out a laugh, averting her eyes from her reaper as much as possible. The girl in front of her pursued her lips, not understanding Touka’s bizarre actions.

“Nee-chan…. Can I ask you about something personal? My mom doesn’t know about this….” Hinami asks her another question. Touka tilted her head in response. There was barely anything Ryouko did not know about her daughter - they had the closest mother-daughter relationship she had seen. She calmed herself down from the scare her reaper has given her, breathed in the cold air in the room and nodded.

“Of course.”

“I, uh… Have been seeing my reaper lately…” She told her and Touka’s breath hitched. Even if she must live with losses - does she have to lose everyone around her? Her mouth was gaping and she was about to panic, but Hinami immediately raises her hands, waving them around in defense. “I’m fine! he’s still pretty far away… But today…”

“But today what?” She asked her urgently, her tone piercing. If there is anything out of the ordinary, something has to be done.

“I… came over here, and I could see him when we were outside the house crying…” Hinami clutched her skirt, her fists tightened on the fabric. She was a bit shaky as she said that. “He always looked neutral as he watched me, but today he just broke down and I… don’t know what to think of that. Is something going to happen to me? Did something happen to him? I am….” With no warning, tears welled up in the corners of her eyes.

Touka scooted over to Hinami, hugging her tightly, muffling her wails. “Reapers…. are strange things, Hinami. You can never know what is going on with them. But you will be alright. Some things will reveal themselves to us as they come.” She said, looking at her reaper, hoping from some answers in his eyes that hide themselves behind his glasses, as Hinami’s tears stained her shirt.

She almost wanted to cry herself when she saw him mouthing “I’m sorry.”

* * *

She was in her bed, sitting straight as her reaper stood near her, leaning on the wall. It was nerve wracking. In any moment today, she can die. But she will not know when, she will not know how, until the moment will come. Should she write goodbye letters? Does she even have the time to by now?

Somehow, her reaper looks more pained then she is. It annoyed her. She was going to die, but he is the one with the sour expression. Does he pity her? She doesn’t need it. She lived through the past few days knowing exactly what’s going to happen.

Touka glares daggers at him, despite the fact he is completely focused on the wall in front of them, not letting himself look at her at all.

She wished that at those moments, she would see that kind boy from the hospital once again. That he would be there to give her a blanket or a cake send her off with one last pinch of sweetness. That boy disappeared so long ago - She was told by the hospital staff that his mother died, and now they have no way of contacting him.

Touka was so sad at the time - She wanted to return him the blanket he gave her, as he probably needed it just as much as she had at the time. Touka remembers fondly how he let her into his mother’s room, let her stuff her face with the cake he talked about earlier as she cried and waited for her uncle to arrive to the hospital.

He didn’t force her to talk, didn’t tell her anything unnecessary. Just waited with her until she could bring herself to wipe her tears and snot away from her face. He was a calming warmth for the coldest day she had been through her life. She wished she could return him the favor.

She wished everything was that easy, but it’s not. He wasn’t there anymore for her to return him the favor, and she had no more time for that either. The blanket was on her today - she couldn’t bring herself to part from it as the coldness that erupted from the reaper near her touched her skin. She was so, so cold.

Touka rose from her bed, going towards the heater in the end of her room. The cold around her was numbing her body, she could not stay in place anymore.  She took the blanket with her, laying it on her as she sat across the heater, her palms spreaded out towards the machine.  
  
Her reaper sat behind her, watching her quietly as she tried to warm herself up. Neither of them said a word. Touka looked back at him. He had beautiful grey eyes behind his glasses. It still made her mad the he was acting depressed when it was her that is going to disappear soon, but the sadness in his eyes made him seem as if he was grieving himself.

“…Why are you looking at me like that?” She asked him.

No answer.

“Why did you help me that day with Hinami?” She asked again, a bit louder than before.

No answer.

“Why won’t you tell me what’s your problem?!” She shouted at him, grabbing onto his coat, pulling him towards her, growing madder as the seconds pass.

“Touka.” It became hot. Too hot, suddenly. He talked to her and something in her cracked. He smiled at her sadly as he took her hand in hers. She couldn’t breathe. Everything was so hot, firey, she couldn’t concentrate, she was sweating, her legs burned.

“W-What are you doing to me?” She said, her voice choked, eyes still locked on to his pale grey ones. She felt a scorch all across her body. He hugged her, pulling her close to him. His body was so cool, it enabled her relief - but it still didn’t explain why everything hurt.

“Touka, Look down.” He looked down at the ground, and her eyes went to the same place as his, and soon widened. Her blanket got caught on fire. The wooden flooring did as well, and the fire climbed up to her clothes. The flames danced around in colors of orange, yellow and red, and she felt the burnt.

She held on to her reaper. Her reaper, her cold, saving grace that protected her from the pain that spread around her as the fire were feeding on her room and herself. She screamed - everything was so hot, overwhelmingly so, but she still managed to feel droplets of liquid falling down her collarbone.  
  
She looked up at her reaper, who was now crying himself.

“I’m sorry, Touka. I should have never brought you that blanket. I… You wouldn’t have been in this situation, if I hadn’t. I’m sorry, Touka. So, so sorry.” He said as he settled his head on her shoulder, the coldness he radiated preventing the flames to rise up beyond her chest.

Brought her the blanket? No, that was Kaneki, that sweet boy with soft dark hair and clear grey eyes. Kaneki brought her the blanket, before he disappeared, before she could bring it to him back. Kaneki did…

But what happened to Kaneki?  a question made her rethink. She barely could even think in this atmosphere, where everything hurt, where her heart pounded like crazy, but she still did. Her reaper - he looks like him, but… how could it even be?

“A-Are you?…” She asked. She was trembling in his arms, everything hurt, but everything that wasn’t this didn’t matter, at this second. Before she disappears, she needs to know.

“I wish…. I could give you more cake, instead of being like this, Touka. I passed on too early for that too.” He said, his smile forced, tears in his eyes falling again down his cheeks as he lifts his face from her shoulder, putting his forehead on hers. He confirmed it.  
  
“I-I, always wanted…. to give you the blanket… back. To see you… again.” She says between choking on the lack of air. The house was slowly collapsing, but he held her tightly in her hands, his hold stronger than ever. Even if the house breaks down, she’s in his safe hands.

“I always wanted to see you too.” He tells her, lifting her up in his hands. “We have to go now, Touka.” She held onto him, latched to the black jacket he had on with her last strength. She begged fate he won’t tell her he’ll leave now. She cannot handle it - she just found him.

“Don’t… Leave….” She could only bare to say. Until one she lost is finally back, she doesn’t want to let go.

“From now on, I’ll be able to be by your side. This was my last job before passing on.” He told her, calming her down in his arms as she was starting to lose consciousness. “I’ve always been waiting.” He whispered to her ear, and her eyes fluttered shut.

In a burning house, under the night sky, the moon was shining. A reaper, a soulmate of another that passed before his time, held the one he’s been destined to be with since childhood. Just like the warmth he was to her as a child, he was the cold to numb down her wounds. Finally, they met again.


End file.
